Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
