i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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