Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
