she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
