You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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