Ambien. No doubt about it.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I smell stomach acid.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize