he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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