I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
