if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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