you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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