eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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