not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
