There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
