I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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