I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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