she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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