uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
