she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
