I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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