Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
