I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
