Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
