My boss' voice literally gives me gas
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
