I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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