If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
