Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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