i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
