I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
