I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
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