I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
