these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
