btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
