PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
