Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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