sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
