last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
