i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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