Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize