I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
