the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
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