I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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