Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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