If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
