She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
