the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
