i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
