lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize