What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize