I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
im drinking this country out of the recession.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I could make wine with my vomit
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
