he shaved USA in his pubs
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
