Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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