An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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