she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
