I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
