evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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