Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
