My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
