this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
