just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
