Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize