You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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