ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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