ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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