too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
