Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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