If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Randomize
