i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize