I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
