apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
