Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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