Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
