May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
