on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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